I am finishing my first book and am going to have some beta readers soon. Below I have put the first part of Chapter 1. Let me know what you think in the comments below!
Journey of the Kings – King’s Series, Book I
Part One – Earth
Chapter One – The Agent – December, 2038
Routines made his job a little bit easier. They made it easy to predict where people would be and what time they would be there. It was human nature. No matter how active a person tends to be, they usually fall into certain patterns. It makes life easier and less stressful. Ordinary. No matter how significant a person happens to be, they eventually follow ordinary patterns. It is a rare thing to lead a life of unpredictable nature. Routine and predictability were what Seth counted on nine times out of ten. All he had to do was find a place to settle in and watch a target. Then it became a waiting game.
Sometimes intelligence gathering was as simple as drinking coffee or eating a salad while paying attention and looking like you belonged. Of course, he couldn’t completely rely on focusing on a person’s routines, because then he had to settle into a routine of his own, therefore making himself a potential target.
In this case, though, he didn’t need to scout ahead for days or weeks ahead of time. He knew where Martha Anderson would be. As the headmistress of the Grath’s School for Boys, she had followed the same pattern for at least the last eight years. She had likely been following the same routine for much longer.
Every morning, at 6:00 AM, she walked out the front door of the institution to check the daily mail and to unlock the front gates that kept intruders from entering during the night. That particular morning was no different. Seth was in a car that he had driven over from London earlier that morning. He was parked about two hundred meters away with a clear line of sight to the front of the school. The school was very well maintained, owing to the nature of its funding. It received government money, but relied heavily on private funding as well. Established in the early 1900s as a place to handle the orphaned boys of the areas around Surrey, the school had gained a fantastic reputation for turning out students fully ready to tackle top universities.
When she saw the small brown envelope mixed into the mail with ‘Benjamin Allen’ written on it in black permanent marker, her face didn’t register any surprise. She simply looked up, scanned the surrounding area, and nodded. If she had hoped she would see the mysterious package deliverer, today was not the day. She expected as much. This was the ninth December she had received such a package. It always contained the same items: a note asking that all of Benjamin’s needs be met and 70,000 Euros stacked and bound together with twine. Anything left over could be used as she deemed necessary for the school’s operations.
Seth smiled, even though his heart ached. His only relief was that he trusted that Martha Anderson was a good person and she would take care of his only son – a son that he had never even met.
Author Allen 
I’m intrigued! The first paragraph sounds a bit repetitious though. Awkward. Too many mentions of pattern/repetition/ordinary.
I look forward to reading more. You have me intrigued by the story!
Thank you for reading and commenting! I agree with some of the parts sounding repetitious. I’ll be working on that shortly! Thanks! Keep an eye out for the next part.
Just as a first read- I would scratch the first paragraph completely and start with the second. Routine is a concept that isn’t new to readers. It’s a concept that I assume the reader will gather about the protagonist as you unfold his characteristics and actions in a the following chapters. The difficult part about writing a character is relying on that the reader will understand the characteristics that you are trying to portray. Trust that the reader will catch on to these kinds of themes/ tropes. I am liking it thus far!
Thanks for commenting! You’re right, I think I may ax the first paragraph. The hardest part of writing for me is character development. I overdo it sometimes because I feel like the readers won’t get what I am trying to do. My biggest struggle from switching from grad research to fiction is character development. I’ll have the second part up soon and I would love some more input from you. Thanks again!
I’m very interested in the story especially when you explain that Seth is an intelligence gatherer. The one critique I have though is that I feel like too many names are introduced in the beginning. As a reader I want to get to know Seth and Martha a little better before I get a new name thrown in there. It’s a cool premise introducing the son with the package but maybe introduce the name a little later? Let me, as a reader, really soak in these two people and who they are before I have to get to know someone else. This is of course simply an opinion from someone with zero publishing and writing credits to my name yet.
Thanks for reading! It is always great to hear what people think about my writing, especially since fiction is so new to me. Your comments are being taken into full consideration.
I can probably take Benjamin’s name out, but Martha won’t be around long enough for it to matter (not that she’s gonna be dead, just a scene change).
I have part two up if you have time to check it out.
Well maybe you can take out Martha’s name instead. If she isn’t a big character then maybe the reader doesn’t need to connect as much. Remember names create connections.